Everything Else About Sex
Copyright 2008
A lot of people think that sex is bad. Even if they think that it's OK, they believe that we should keep it secret and not talk about it. They think that all the arbitrary rules and taboos make perfect sense. I would argue that sex is good and healthy and that it is a normal part of our physiological makeup. I suggest that it is something we should do and talk about all the time.
Come on, I know that you are thinking about it all the time.
You may wonder why sex exists at all. Fundamentally, the reason we have sex is that it allows us to be made out of more than one cell. When you have multiple cells they call you a Eukaryote. When you have only one cell they call you a Prokaryote or the recently discovered Archaea. For the last 3.5 billion years every single individual in these last two groups has been made of only one cell. They are older and certainly more prolific than us feeble minded multi-cellular Eukaryotes but I wonder what it would be like to be a one cell creature. I wonder what they think of us with our fancy DNA organized into nuclei and our loyal sidekick mitochondria.
About one billion years ago there was a single cell named Gomez. He was very lonely. He was bored because everyone he knew was exactly like him. He had split his DNA numerous times. After making so many exact clones of himself, he wondered if that was all there was to life.
One day Gomez and all his buddies, who were also called Gomez because they were all exactly alike, bumped into a group of Carmines. After having a few cocktails and making some inappropriate jokes they realized that both groups used to be the same a long time ago. They got separated about a million years earlier. They were astonished to find that they had six DNA base pairs that were not exactly the same.
Natural mutations had occurred and had been maintained differently in the two groups because they had been separated for such a long time.
Then, the first jealous rage in recorded history happened.
A Carmine ripped open a Gomez and stole half of its DNA. Low and behold, a little Angelo was produced. Not to be outdone, this particular Gomez ripped open a Carmine and swiped its DNA. Low and behold, a little Natasha was produced.
Angelo and Natasha realized that they were different right from the start. They went off on their own but they were inspired by their parents. Actually, they were inspired that they had parents. They ripped each other apart from time to time in order to share their DNA. They found that they enjoyed doing it so much that they did it again and again. Each time they did this they made a brand new and totally different individual.
Well, you know the rest of the story. Eukaryotes became multi-cellular and took in the orphan Mitochondria and together they grew and differentiated and became grass and flowers and trees and snails and fish and birds and primates and a bunch of other really neat things.
Whatever became of the Prokaryotes and Archaea you ask?
The Prokaryotes are now known as bacteria. In fact, they are still so pissed off at us that they live on our skin and invade us whenever they see the slightest opportunity. The Archaea got scared and ran away. They only live in extreme environments and, in fact, we have not actually seen them but we come across their remnants on occasion.
Most of you are probably familiar with the idea of drug resistant bacteria. If there are a trillion, trillion, trillion one celled bacteria and you hit them with penicillin, a few of them might have a natural mutation that makes them immune to this antibiotic. It won't take very long for those few to grow back into trillions and, thus, they have changed and survived.
That is how Prokaryotes manage to stave off elimination. They do it by sheer numbers. There are so many of them that a few oddballs will usually survive.
Eukaryotes, on the other hand, figured out that if everybody shares DNA then mutations get passed around. One day, someone had a mutation that allowed for them to exist in a multi-cellular form. This mutation got passed around. Through this process, individuals were able to amass huge numbers of varied base pairs in their own DNA. There was no longer a need to have massive numbers of individuals in order to survive. They each had massive numbers of DNA base pairs instead.
Numerous strategies for sharing DNA have been successful but one of the most common ways is to have a male and a female. Obviously, the males and females who enjoy getting together and sharing their DNA the most will be the ones who pass on more DNA to subsequent generations.
Over the past billion years we have evolved a strong instinct to share our DNA. Very recently in evolution we quit hunting and gathering and settled down and started farming. This led to the development of cultural taboos regarding sex. These new regulations had purposes and functions other than the survival of the species. Our real nature is to screw and screw and screw some more.
Why do you think you are thinking about it all the time?
Why do you think you are much healthier if you are having sex on a regular basis?
Among the species that have males and females there are several strategies for sharing DNA that have evolved. We humans decided to mate and have sex with only one other individual. The advantage is that this increases the likelihood of our off-spring reaching maturity and it allows us to give birth to fewer individuals. Other species have a queen or spread billions of eggs or so on and so on. The only variable that is the same in every strategy is that there has to be lot of sex going on.
So, why have we come up with so many sexual taboos?
We figured out 10,000 years ago that if we are going to settle down and grow our own food, we will need to work together to accomplish such a feat. We will need to establish a society. We need to have some organization and we need a ruler and some unity of purpose. We will need some rules.
Thus, sex became regulated.
It is sort of like all the Republicans who now say that our collective economic future will be better if we reduce taxes and reduce all forms of government regulation. They want to give small businessmen plenty of opportunity and let them take risk and fail or succeed on their own. They say, "We don't need no stinking rules."
Levystien is an arch-conservative when it comes to sex. He thinks that society and its rules and controlling mentality should get out of the bedroom. He thinks we would all do much better with fewer rules about how to have sex. Increased sexual freedom would reduce wars and crime and everyone would be happier and get along better.
I figure the republicans would be the most offended at all this sex stuff. Do you like how I tried to include them a little in the last two paragraphs?
Think of it. Let's say we work for a big advertising company. We are having a board meeting to plan a new marketing strategy. Of course, we are going to include plenty of women. Suddenly, conflict erupts! No one can agree on the proposed rate of growth in the next quarter. We work it out because we are not up tight and we have our real priorities straight. We are all comfortable in our own skin and we are all quite sexually satisfied.
We also know that the group orgy that is planned after the meeting will be much better if we are all getting along.
Can you think of any other human situations in which sexual freedom might be a good thing? Historically, I think that some of the stories might have gone a bit different if sex was more available at the highest levels.
If Hitler did not get syphilis from a Jewish prostitute, then maybe he could have had more sex. Maybe he wouldn't have been so mad at everyone, especially the Jews.
Stalin had paranoid schizophrenia but if he was getting laid more regularly he could have been calmer and, thus, less paranoid.
If the sexual taboos in the Islamic culture were relaxed and Saddam was getting laid on a regular basis, I'm thinking that he would not have spent so much time rambling on and on about nothing on his state supported television station.
Genghis Kahn is supposed to have screwed so many women that one in every 250 of us is related to him. He also had one woman who was his main squeeze and who was the one that he was out conquering 75% of the known world for. Actually, I'm not sure if this supports or contradicts what I am saying.
In any case, I think we should only have one rule in regards to sex:
Don't hurt anyone
You can't have sex that is hurtful to anyone in any way. This means no sex that spreads disease or causes unwanted pregnancies. It also means you can't abuse children or rape anyone. You also can't break vows. Any kind of sex that is hurtful is not allowed.
If you are having safe sex that mutually benefits both individuals and there are no third parties who are getting hurt, then go for it. Do it as much as you want.
Remember, the majority of us have evolved to enjoy monogamous relationships. Polygamous relationships in our society are frequently hurtful to someone but certainly not in every case. The reason it is so hard for a lot of us to choose the right partner and then be faithful to them is because of our neurotic nature and not so much due to the evolution of sex in our species.
We set up a bunch of arbitrary rules and regulations regarding sex so naturally everyone is always breaking them. The fact is that most people are happiest and healthiest when living in a long term monogamous relationship. Levystien's point is that what matters is how well matched you are and how much in love you are. What doesn't matter is if there are differences in religion, skin color, nationality, politics, sexual orientation, and species...wait a minute...OK, species matters. No doing any donkeys, comprende?
Whether you get married in an Orthodox temple or church or naked under a waterfall or you don't have a service at all, these are trivial details. What is important is that you find a lover that is right for you and you work very hard to maintain the relationship.
Also, remember that you are not looking for a lover that is perfect. You are looking for a lover that is perfect for you.
We have a friend who is happily married. His wife is very intelligent and very loyal and she is genuinely a good person. However, she is pathologically shy and retreats from most social situations. She enjoys walking her dog in the wilderness or by a lake and coming home and being with her husband. She won't go to parties and they don't have a lot of friends.
We invited them to go somewhere with us and he said, "She won't come because she needs to stay home and watch her dog but don't worry, I'll be there."
My fiancé thought to herself, "Wow, this woman is pathologically neurotic and our friend is enabling her."
I thought to myself, "Wow, he really loves her and they have a wonderful and passionate relationship."
He cares more about the relationship than he does about forcing her to come to some event that will make her uncomfortable. He understands who she is and what she is about and he is intent on taking care of her and protecting her. He is willing to compromise and negotiate and give in on things that are not as important. He is working very hard to maintain this relationship. This is a strong and healthy relationship and my fiancé agreed once we had this conversation.
There is another couple that I know and these individuals are well matched and very much in love but they are a bit less mature. He feels the need to win every argument. Even the slightest conflict is a personal challenge to him. He is intelligent and he is frequently correct. I watch him pummel his young bride and step on her over and over again. He is lucky that she is not thin skinned but sooner or later he will wear her down.
I tell him, "It is possible to be so right that you are wrong."
Old people who are still in relationships are people who have perfected the art of knowing when to fight, when to submit, when to negotiate, and when to walk away. Normally, I try not to use too many clichés but this one is important.
You have to choose your battles.
The real question is, "Would you rather have her submit and agree with you that buying a new home gym on a credit card is a good idea or would you rather have sex tonight? Where are your priorities?"
Coming full circle, "Ask not how your society can screw you; ask how you can screw your society."
In other words, it is not only important for rules and taboos in our culture regarding sex to be changed, amended, or thrown out but it is also important for you as an individual to change, amend, or throw out your ridiculous behavior. Levystien says, "Grow up and get your priorities straight."
Levystien's priorities in life1. Sex
2. Everything else
You will be surprised how everything else in life works out if you make sex your top priority. Find a well matched partner and do whatever you need to do in order to have sex on a regular basis. Make sure she is number one and take exquisitely good care of her.
The most important way that you will be judged as a man is by how you take care of your woman. If you take care of your woman, others will admire you and you will live a long and happy life. Focus on sex as your number one priority and Levystien will consider that you have your priorities straight.
Let's end with some words of wisdom that summarize what I have been saying in a very poetic way.
Compliment what she does,
Send her roses just because,
If its violins she loves,
Let them play,
Dedicate, her favorite song,
And hold her closer,
All night long,
Love her today,
Find one hundred ways.
Sacrifice if you care,
Buy her some moonlight to wear,
If it's one more star she wants,
Go all the way.
Love her today,
Find one hundred ways.
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